A challenging boss is a boss who does not understand the emotional needs of his or her employees. Challenging bosses also lack skill and tact when addressing their employees' emotions; thus, they end up creating additional problems on top of not understanding their employees' emotions. As a result, of not understanding their employees' emotional needs, these bosses are not able to appropriately distribute work assignments equally, do not treat all employees fairly, and are unable to separate their personal life from their work life.

Other characteristics of a challenging boss include:

* A boss who favors certain employees and grants them special privileges.

* A boss who is not able to regulate an employee's workload.

* A boss who continuously develops new policies or procedures for employees to follow.

* A boss who is not able to regulate his or her own emotions when dealing with employees.

* A boss who rewards employees for liking him/her versus their work performance.

Challenging bosses used to be called jerks! Today we refer to these bosses as having low emotional intelligence (EI), which is the inability to read and best utilize the emotions of other people, i.e., employees. In other words, low EI bosses are unable to understand their employee's emotions, and the damage that they create because they have no understanding of social dynamics involved in an office environment.

So when you are pulling your hair out because you get reprimanded for being late to work once, and your coworker leaves work early and takes long lunches because he or she is your boss's favorite employee; instead of calling your boss a jerk and holding your breath until he/she changes-first try taking a more effective approach.

Bosses who have low EI require employees who are able to set boundaries, set limits, and provide them with direction and structure. In other words, you need to manage your work and your boss.

1.) Set Boundaries: A boss with low EI usually does not understand where the boundaries of other people start and end. Therefore, employees need to politely inform their boss where their boundaries are in terms of space, language, and authority.

2.) Set Limits: A boss with low EI usually does not understand how his/her behavior impacts other people. Therefore, employees need to politely point out, e.g., that new projects need to come at the beginning of the day and not when you are walking out the door to go home.

3.) Set Direction & Structure: A boss with low EI requires direction and structure. If your performance review is already a month late, instead of getting angry, offer to help your boss by writing the performance review yourself, offer to help him/her to complete it at the time of the review, and set an appoint time to complete it.

You can stomp up and down and hold your breath all day long, if you want, but your low EI boss will not change until you start to act proactively instead of reactively.

Happy Working,

Gary Vikesland, MA LP CEAP