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Women Supervising Men
Women generally tend to emphasize the value of equality when they communicate
with coworkers and those they supervise.
The value of the relationship is generally more important than who is in charge
of the other person. Women tend to emphasize this relationship style of equality
and stability whether they are talking to men or women. Men, on the other hand,
tend to emphasize the "pecking order" in a relationship. Men want to know if the
relationship is equal (friendship), conflicting (wrestler), or superior/subordinated
(coach).
In addition to wanting to know the "pecking order" of the relationship, men
want to determine the "pecking order" first before any effective problem
solving work is started. When a man supervises another man he naturally knows
this "pecking order" determination must take place before real problem solving
communication can take place. However, women generally are not taught this
important communication skill.
When a man has a female supervisor who directs his work, makes decisions
that effect his income, and provides discipline; problems can occur if she
is not aware of what's important to communicate. If a female supervisor
approaches a male subordinate emphasizing the importance of equality of the
relationship, she is likely to create a "pecking order" of equality or friendship
with the man she supervises. It's nice to have a friendship with a man you
supervise, but a woman losses valuable supervisory power when she takes this
position. She may find that the men she supervises do not listen to her,
listen to another male supervisor instead, or even end up giving her orders.
After enough frustration has built up within the female supervisor, she may
try to regain her power by establishing her superior one-up position. The
men react to his change negatively by labeling her "dragon lady," "witch,"
"bossy," or even "mom."
The other mistake that a female supervisor can communicate with the men she
supervises, is to not establish the "pecking order" of the relationship.
Remember, that men want the "pecking order" establish. So, if the supervisor
does not take the lead the man will do it for her. The end result, is that
a conflicting or wresting relationship will develop. This leads to a needless
power struggle where the majority of time is spent in conflict over who is
in charge versus being productive.
Women supervisors who communicate a "pecking order" of supervisor/subordinated
or coaching style of communication tend to be the most effective supervisors
when it comes to supervising men. Women who establish a coaching style of
communication derive their power from their position within the company and
the amount of support the company can provide them. The woman may also use
her age, experience, or educational background as additional tools to in
establishing a coaching style of supervising. Many women may believe that
by taking this style of communication she will only create a conflicting
relationship with the man she supervises. Not so, because it is only when
the "pecking order" is left undetermined that the man she supervises will
wrestle her for power.
Women supervisors who take the "coaching style" to determine the "pecking order"
tend to:
Find their power in criticising the man's work and not the man.
Assume the role as the expert, with more knowledge than the people they supervise.
Use a higher authority, within the company to back their power and position. This might be upper
management, HR department, or even the company policies.
Develop a team of supervisors who support each other.
Speak assertively and not aggressively or harshly.
Dress for success by wearing appropriate business attire.
Accepts negative feedback and communication from the workers that they coach. In fact, a good coach is a good listener who uses the input
to better be able to direct and leader the team.
For further reading about the difference in communication at work between men and women,
I suggest you read the book "9 to 5" by Deborah Tannen.
Happy Working,
Gary Vikesland, MA LP CEAP
Employer-Employee.com
How to Get Your Idea Accepted
Tips for Idea Acceptance:
1.) Look at what you are presently doing, and stop it! It's not working!
Are you allowing others to dominate conversations and create noise? No one is going
to accept your idea if you cannot break through all the background noise. Are you
translating your idea into how it will save or make money for the company? If your
idea will not save or make money, go get a different idea.
 2.) Have you prepared
for meetings by getting verbal support for your idea ahead of time? In addition,
it is helpful to obtain support in stages. Just as a good salesperson knows
that they must obtain agreement from buyers one step at a time, you also
will want to obtain verbal agreement in incremental stages.
3.) Portray confidence that
your idea will work. If it does not work you can always blame someone else-
just kidding!
4.) Timing is everything. Time
the presentation of your idea until it is ripe for the picking. Also, if
you are presenting your idea at a meeting where other proposals will be made,
it is better to go last if you have a choice. Last place is best, first is
second, and the middle position is the worse.
5.) Have plan "B" ready. A good
idea always has a good plan "B" attached to it. For example, you can say,
"If this idea doesn't work, it will place the company in a good position
to take advantage of...etc..etc..." Hey, you want people to sleep at night
don't you?
Happy Working,
Gary Vikesland, MA LP CEAP
Employer-Employee.com
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